Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau: Author News
You Just Got Dumped – Nice Timing, Right?


Nov 13, 2017

You start thinking; the days are getting shorter and nights longer. Halloween was less than two weeks ago. And life is getting ready to push the pedal to the metal.

If you’re a colleger, you’re on the final stretch toward end of the semester projects and final exams. Many individuals are scrambling to deal with end of the year employment, family, and social demands. The holiday season is approaching and, like most, you're looking forward to some well deserved R&R. Right in the middle of the hustle and bustle, the person you have been in a close relationship with decides that now is the time to tell you “It’s over.” Suddenly you’re feeling like another holiday statistic. Your mind is consumed with thoughts of your lover. Some people describe this as feeling mentally paralyzed.

Places associated with your daily routine are triggering images and thoughts of your partner. Songs on the radio –even those on your own playlists – remind you of your partner. These and other details of your life are speaking to you and you are listening. Your emotions feel under siege.

You need more healthy energy across the board, not less. But all your ruminating is contributing to even lower physical energy. It's easy to be swept away. What to do?

Close the door on invading memories of times and places that remind you of the breakup. These will consume your good energy which you need for daily activities and to keep you happy and healthy. A negative spiral here can cause a lot of problems fast.

Instead this is the time to make shifting your mindset into a place where you feel at ease and comfortable a priority.

One way to do this is to tap a flow of emotional memories from a time in your life - say, when you felt safe and protected. Think of it this way: it’s kind of like pushing a reset button to a time and place already programmed to get your energy feeling good again. So you're going to intentionally play that"program" instead of the one that is dragging you down.

Just like your body and mind respond to details from places, images, and sounds that can zap you into negativity as fast as popups appear on a computer screen, you can use your attention and focus to help spring both body and mind out of a negative feeling.

Many individuals associate strong feelings of safety and comfort with childhood – e.g. positive emotional memories that act like like snapshots and soundtracks of family, friends, places, images, music and activities. And you can use these moments to help move you toward more peaceful waters.

I want to emphasize, however, you are not looking for a miracle cure, just a way to gather some higher quality energy than you have been feeling. Sometimes that’s all it takes to turn the tide, so to speak.

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